Thursday, 01 April 2010
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I'd rather know, and I'd rather they know
While reading To Know or Not to Know, That is the Question, I figured that the topic deserved more than "I'd rather they know" as a response - so here goes.
The question posted was:
Are you open with your parents? Does your relationship with your parents affect how you behave or think about sex? Is it better for them to know or not know?I have to reflect on my personal experience for this one...
My mom bought a book, "Know Your Body", and read it [cover-to-cover], pronouncing each polysyllabic word that was far above my head, when I was perhaps four years old, and my older sister was perhaps seven.
She then tucked the book into the leather-topped coffee table, in the drawer on the right side, in the left corner, and reminded me that this book will be there if I ever had any questions - and gestured to the umgawa-thousand-page Webster's Comprehensive Collegiate Dictionary as a backup plan.
Yeahhh....and stammered through the whole dry reading.
When I was of a given age [I will not specify as I have sons with internet access], my mother approached me again, for our second talk.
"Are you....um....ac....tivvve?"
"Uh..." I replied.
She paused, nodded to me, "I'll-be-right-back" was said in a singular polysyllabic word.
The car gunned.
Shortly thereafter she returned, with a brown paper bag.
"Um...", she said, clutching the package to her chest protectively.
"Here. Gotta-go. Late-for-work.", she said, as she quickly tossed the package on the table, then dashed out the door, cheeks and ears burning.I opened the packaging.
Inside, there were [I presume] one of each brand, type, and grade of prophylactic available from the drugstore, as well as every pamphlet and guide on pregnancy, statistics, S.T.D.'s, allergy indications, condom application guides...
I decided that perhaps it would behoove me to be less awkward and more open with my sons in regards to sex and sexuality, so as to avoid any sense of "awwwwk....warrrrd" that my mom and I had experienced.
That, and I never did get around to buying the Webster's Comprehensive Collegiate Dictionary.
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Comments (14)
I say you gotta give her an "A" for effort. She tried, and no preaching...pretty good really.
I have always been pretty open with my girls.We can "sort of" talk. I was the one they asked about menstruation and tampons vs pads, not their mother.So I explained as best I could.I also explained condoms to them and showed them one.I also offered to pay for The Pill if they wanted to go on it.
They won't need to tell me when they become active, I'm certain that I'll know.But I want them safe and protected when they do.
My parents sex talk to me?..."Don't be the kind of guy who tries to lay every girl you meet." The end.
Good for you for being more open with your kids. It's not necessarily an easy topic. But it's not nearly as hard as some people make it, either...
Wow, sounds like your Mom made an attempt at least - mine sure as heck didn't. My old man was gone by the time I was 13, my Mom never had "the talk" with me. I guess I got lucky, saw and heard about other people's mistakes and didn't follow in their footsteps.
haha! I eventually talked with my mom about being "active"... but the best phone call was to my friend Natalie 15 minutes after trying for the first time, "IT WON'T GO IN!!" hahaha! Too much info? nah... I wish I knew about lube though. That would have been good information.
@TheNazarene - The package included the hot item for that day and age: KY. And, of course, the pamphlet that covered all the topics...and another pamphlet that said the same thing in different terms...and contrasting statistical information...I think she kind of went to the general section and said to herself, "Okay...well...here, and here, and here, and, oh, to hell with it" - snag! - took the entire section home with her.
I wish I were kidding. That was the entire conversation. She turns the same shades, today.
@Bricker59 - An "A" for effort, indeed. She somehow skipped the sixties, and stayed within the realms of "good girls don't" naivete for the longest.
In her day, not only were these things not talked about, but opening the topic for questions was taboo - so I'd have to throw in and give her an A+, when all is said and done.
Knowing what I know, I'm more than relieved that any questions that come up are right on the table.
Tampons and pads? Same thing - she never threw away the pamphlet inserts, and kept them conspicuously open by the throne, to ensure that the topic was surreptitiously covered without undue interference, if that makes sense. My first cycle came and went without notice, but on my second one - I'll never forget - we were out and I said to my mom, "Uh - I'm on the rag, gonna need a plug". I said it off-handedly...but she nearly fainted on the spot as she quietly dug one out of the incredible voluminous purse she always carried. I had to learn the hard way that there are some topics that just aren't comfortable with her...
@the_kcar - hahaha! that's fantastic
mom's easily blush... it's true
@TheNazarene - Somehow, the gene that carries that trait skipped me. It's all good: I don't miss it.
Good ol' mom!
@transvestite_rabbit - I was talking to her tonight, with a friend of mine, while swimming...I mentioned that I'm getting to be like a keyboard on the fritz - missing a few periods from time to time. She looked away briefly, looked back, asked if I experienced "power surges" along the way [hot flashes]. We joked using references like, "periodic elements", etc. and I discovered something interesting along the way...secondhand exposure to the way I talk to my sons has worn off on her, and she can now [almost] discuss these matters without withering!
While doing a bit of reminiscing, I threw in the tale here, to find her giggling at her approach. "Well...", she said, "...at least, for you guys [my older sister and me], there was real information".
My friend and I compared notes on how we each received, "the talk" - while I had the book read to me, cover-to-cover [with biology-type diagrams], she had a different book - with less diagrams, more focus on gestation, more focus on, "When a man and a woman are in love, and decide upon marriage", and was less science/biology based, more "transitions in life" with minor illustrations and humor-inspiring descriptions.
Mine was read to me, hers was sort of dropped on her bed, left [presumably by her mother] while she was at school - to be found when she got home.
My mother then reiterated what I had assumed: the talk consisted of, "Good Girls Don't", followed by, "We'll find time to talk about these things later." Specifically vague.
Figures, right?
lol
the Brown Bag explained all, it seemed-at least, according to her.
@tenshii_rage - Between the book residing in the coffee table and the contents of the brown bag, it could be said that she readily made sure all topics were covered - I've got to give her credit, there. It's just funny how it all came together, and - even years later - it's all I can do to keep from cracking up at the whole scene.
I love my mother with everything I am, and I give her loads of credit where credit is due, indeed - she didn't come off preachy, nor did she let an opportunity for education slip by.
It's just...the look on her face was and is priceless.
Heh! My mother never told me anything about sex, periods,..or anything!! I found out about periods when I started mine!! Luckily,..it wasn't in the middle of a class in public school!! And she never told me about sex. Luckily,..I had some talkative girl friends!! :d
@Stanelle - I was one of those talkative girls in school. You would be surprised at the levels of misinformation that talkative kids at school come up with.